Another year and counting...

So yesterday was my birthday. My first birthday in Spain. The day started well. nothing spectacular. Carme and Alex woke me from my sound and deep slumber and dreams of Pink, Christine and Maya singing "Lady Marmalade" to me. I know how to give my own self a birthday dream. Watching the video non stop for a week helps, too.

Alex began the day with a lovely hand made card. there is something to be said about his spelling in English. I have to work with him on that. but phonetically, he was spot on. Carme greeted me with her usual morning breath kisses afterwards. I was hoping the day would be better as we went along.

I walked Alex to daycare and survived the usual, yet unusual, line up of "Dad why does..." and "Dad, how come..." questions. Most times I like to come up with a really outlandish answer to see how much influence I still have over him. At age 36, I wanted to know if he had figured out how full of stuffing I really am.

I made my way back up the hill to have coffee with my darling and was greeted by my mother in law also. She asked what I had received for my birthday already and, knowing that money is tight and not expecting anything too extravagant, I just replied that my family is more than enough of a gift. Wow, she understood me as my response was met with "awwwww".

I then headed off to my tiny little shop, enjoying the morning breeze and casually greeting familiar faces with the usual "hello's". I had hoped for a good day full of customers as I whistled and pasted a smile on my face. To my surprise, I got more customers today than I had any other day. The cash register hummed pretty much on and off all day. It was a good feeling.

At 1pm, Alex joined me in my shop, off from his day care to go home to have lunch with me. he greeted me with hugs and kisses and wished me happy Birthday, yet again. The best present in the world. Carme was in the middle of a firestorm at work and called to tell me she was not going to make it home for lunch. I was sad but I knew she had some upcoming things in the works so I made no fuss and assured her all was fine.

At home, Alex spent most of his lunchtime laying in my arms as we enjoyed cartoons together. I recently got him a collection of Foghorn Leghorn movies. Now he can see why I tattooed that rooster on my shoulder.

Near 3pm, Alex and I headed back to town so I could drop him off for his afternoon session at daycare and I braved the midday heat to make it back to my shop for the 2nd half of my day. As I went to open my shop doors i noticed a large ribbon attached to a new aluminum mountain bike sitting in my shop. I was near tears thinking how I had longed for a new bike (there is no where to park here in the summer since so many tourists have entered our little town, the price and availability of gas is becoming ridiculous, and I need the exercise). I immediately called Carme and she let me know that it was a gift from my in laws. It was heart warming.

Afterwards it was time for my shop to close. Alex did not have his bike with him so I opted to walk home with him and prepare for our dinner celebration at 9pm. Alex and i both dressed in our summer's finest clothes and made our way to the restaurant. We were greeted by my entire Spanish family along with family friends, Jesús and Evita, his wife. Jesús presented me with a pair of swimming trunks from Lacoste, but of course, they were a wee bit tight. Not that I tried them on right there, but later I did. Johnnie and Natalie gave me a futbol jersey of the Spanish National team which was poised to (and eventually won) the European championship on the coming up Sunday against Germany (hooray!!!).

So we sat down to have a meal, the 10 of us. And the owner, another family friend, Mercedes, greeted us with the usual and warm conversation. she is always gentle and nice with the kids despite Noelia commanding the entire attention of the whole restaurant. we were seated in the middle of the restaurant. i love this restaurant because half of the tables are seated under the sky. it was quite warm and humid, not like Hampton, but enough to keep my forehead moist. Still I was enjoying the occasional breeze.

Mercedes let us know that we had a new waiter from Argentina. It was his first day and she wanted to see how well he did with our table. I thought it to be odd that his first night he was getting a table of 10 but who am I to complain. After waiting for this waiter to come take our drink orders. just then I heard Mercedes scolding him for being too lax and I knew we were in for it tonight. finally he came over. we were sitting 5 a side of a long rectangular table. It was me, Carme, then Alex, Jesús then my father in law. on the other side was Natalia (directly cross from me at the end of the table), Johnnie to her left, then Noelia, my mother in law and then Evita. The waiter came to my end of the table and might I say, with his first words, i knew I was in for a long night.

For starters, he was chatting way too much. I am just getting used to understanding simple conversations but his Argentinian Spanish was killing me. Second, he reminded me of someone who might have did drag shows to supplement his income, since he was a horrible waiter. He kept complaining how hot it was as he passed out the menus. He kept my menu to fan himself and hoped that it was OK with me. I laughed inside and just read off of Carme´s menu.

Later he came back to finally take our drink order. He took about 30 minutes just getting the order correct and I was thirsty. But still I help my patience and smiled nicely. The whole time he hovered above us, he kept touching my shoulder. Now I am secure in my manhood and happily married, so I was not too homophobic to knock him for a loop. He spent as much time touching everyone within reach also so i did not take it to heart. Johnnie was especially uncomfortable with this friendliness and offering to fan him.

Now the kicker to all of this was the restaurant owner, Mercedes. She seemed flustered and unsure of her new waiter. Hovering within earshot and correcting him along the way. I do not know Mercedes very well but from what I can tell she is very friendly, loves her restaurant, and especially takes good care of her customers. She nipped at the waiters heels and he seemed to give respectable lip back while complaining how hot it was. She just threw her hands up. My father in law was especially not pleased and let Mercedes know about the people she has hired.

When he brought out our appetizers, because my in laws have to warm up their stomachs before the main course and help stretch the time out a bit. It just isn't a family dinner without Noelia grabbing attention anyway she can, Natalia sitting at the end of the table smoking away, my mother in law speaking to any and everyone walking in or out of the restaurant, Carme still translating the menu for me and Alex being so hungry he cries until we get hims a whole cheese pizza (mind you they are the size of an average dinner plate ...without oregano and no burnt cheese) only to eat enough to constitute a mouthful. Another 6 € down the drain.

Still the whole time, the waiter, let´s call him Alfredo or something, kept complaining how how it was. He thought if I looked cool, then I would feel cooler. so he produced a pair of shades that looked like they came from Elvis Presley himself (70's Elvis that is). He insisted he should slip these on me. Carme egged him on. I was so caught up in Spanish flying around my head that I am not sure who suggested it but somehow there is a photo of me in the shades with Alfredo trying to hold my head. Something is fishy here. So I put on he shades, so what. Every time I go to take them off, he seems to be focused on me and putting them back on me. Still hovering, touching my shoulder and fanning me. By this time I was nervous to go to the restroom by myself.

At the insistence of Alfredo, I returned to my table to receive our main courses. Also I was receiving knowing eye contact from other patrons. their eyes would say things like "you have a lot of patience" or "better you than me". I was laughing inside because I think some single ladies were wondering if I were gay and my friend (Carme) was setting me up because surely she was not protecting her husband...more like she was instigating the whole episode. My birthday is going so well now.


Finally, the food was being delivered. Still, avoiding any time of eye contact with Alfredo and hoping he would not want to be my birthday gift later on. When I looked over my shoulder to see my plate coming in. I noticed just beyond my eye focus, something odd. The waiter had taken off his pants!!!

Still claiming how hot it was, he innocently pranced around in red and black boxer briefs as he served everyone's meal. The entire wait staff looked horrified and the other patrons are now in a roaring, simultaneous laughter. All eyes fell on me to see how much I could take. I was a throw away from exploding. Here I sit, remembering a conversation I had with Mercedes just 5 minutes before, explaining to her that she should give him a chance, 's only his first day...well I finally got let off the hook.

Mercedes came to the table with a big smile as Alfredo announced to everyone that it was my birthday and this was a huge practical joke. For weeks, Carme had been working with Mercedes, the actor, and her mother in law, to plan this somewhat elaborate hoax. Carme knows I have the patience of an ox so she knew I would not lose my cool. The entire restaurant laughed even louder and clapped. My normal waitress came over and gave me the customary kiss on each cheek and Mercedes began singing happy Birthday in Catalan. Just then they brought out a lovely lemon cream pie with candles saying "36" all lit. It was quite a draining experience.