back in america...

Wednesday, Feb 13th, 2008. That was Carme and my 9th wedding anniversary and we spent it crossing the international dateline on a German Airline. We were excited to get back to see our family and friends in the states but I was filled with more anxiety than I could handle.

I was already dreading the visit back after 6 months. I think it was too soon to return. Still I feel like I am trying to get things rolling and I had nothing to really show for it. Well actually I am realizing with each conversation I have with family members, all of them wanting to know how things are going, that I do have much to show.

The most important thing in life, well the one thing that most will say feeling it is the politically correct thing to say, is family is the most important thing. I love my family. I will protect them and care for them in ways indescribable. I am nothing without them and humbled just by their presence. But one thing I can say surely and with pride is how important this 6 month ride has solidified any feelings for my family unit, more so than I can possibly imagine. I spend more time with my family during the day that I cannot possibly fathom going back to any other way of living. I think that was one of my issues when I began working for my father in law. I never got to see my wife and son. I worked from 7am to 7pm and I was dying for some sort of connection to them having only been in Spain less than a few weeks and being overwhelmed with language issues. I never felt more l only than when I did that brief stint as a construction worker.

Still, the truth is becoming more and more self evident as the days go on. We cannot make a living in Spain at this current rate. I am not getting the customers I had hoped for, despite my in-laws’ feverish attempts at pulling on their circle of friends and acquaintances for more work for me. I am sure their motivation is true and strong but I am sure they feel that my efforts are not enough and they may lose their precious Carme and Alex to the evil American Empire that Carme so truly adores.

So after two weeks of American consumerism and a melting pot atmosphere, I can see the sadness in Carme's eyes as we prepare to take our flight back to Spain this Friday. I see her longing gazes into thin air as her mind races on what little we have in Spain and so much we could have again in America. The decision is being made in silence.